It’s been roughly a year since I decided to drop out of university, so I thought I’d share a little update about how things have changed since then. I don’t know why, because there isn’t really all that much to share… I suppose I just felt like writing about my feelings again. It’s better than eating them, right?
Anyway, half way through my second year I decided that the path I was previously pursuing at university wasn’t for me. I was living in a city that made me miserable which, alongside a degree that wasn’t quite right for me, was having the most negative impact on my life. I had pretty much always felt this way since starting university, but something had snapped and I decided to change course.
This was entirely the right decision and I can’t even begin to imagine any other outcome, but that doesn’t mean it’s not been difficult. I’ve been so much happier since leaving, but at the moment the seeming lack of direction has been getting to me.
I had hoped to start back on a new course at a university in Glasgow last September, but by the time I had decided to drop out of university and start a new application I had missed the UCAS deadlines and in the end the places available on the course had been filled before they even had a chance to consider my application. I was pretty bummed about that, but I couldn’t change anything about it. I’ve since sent off an application to start this coming September and have spent nearly four months waiting not-so-patiently for a response.
If you’ve been through the UCAS system before then you’ll be well aware of how stressful it can be, which is why I never imagined myself having to go through it three times so far. I think I’m in with a good chance of getting back in for this year, I have the grades and I’m hoping my personal statement helped convey my passion for the courses I’ve applied for, but with every passing day a new doubt forms in my mind.
The universities that I applied to have until the beginning of May to get back to me, which feels like forever away. I hate the uncertainty, it makes me doubt myself in ways I never knew I could. I see people post about their successful applications on social media and can’t help but feel a pang of jealously for their futures.
If I don’t get in it won’t be the end, I’ll figure out my plan B, but I just want to know. I hate this limbo that I’m stuck in. I had all these plans of things I would spend my gap year doing, and to be honest I’ve not done all that much. Fair enough, my health did have a big impact on that, but each day feels the same. My new job is helping me move past this feeling of wasting time, but I still can’t help that feel like I’ve been incredibly unproductive in the year that was supposed to help me change my life.
So that’s about it, that’s how things have been progressing since my decision to leave. I don’t regret it at all, not even one tiny smidgeon, but so far things haven’t quite gone to plan. Let’s just see how the next few weeks play out and keep everything crossed that I hear some good news soon!