Over the past week I have spent the majority of my time staring at this screen not knowing what to write. I have so many ideas bubbling around in my head but they just don’t seem to translate properly in to words. It’s difficult, it makes me feel kind of lost. I’ve always loved writing and this blog has been a huge part of my life for years now, but lately I’ve felt kind of disconnected. I don’t feel like what I produce has any worth. There are hundreds upon thousands of blogs popping up every single day, doing the exact same thing I do, but better.
I thought I had my little spot firmly carved out, I knew who I was and what I wanted to be, but with each passing day it’s becoming more apparent that maybe I don’t really know. It’s difficult to stand out in such a busy world. I’ve put so much pressure on myself recently to keep being better, improving everything little by little, but instead of moving forwards I’ve pushed myself backwards. I want to write on here as much as possible, but I think I need a break.
I think I need to stop feeling guilty about spending my day in front of the television binge watching the latest series that’s caught my eye. I need to take a step back and enjoy catching up with everyone I missed whilst I was away. I need to figure out my routine properly, get back in to my groove so to speak, and that will take time.
Since I moved home at the start of the month it’s been a little bit crazy. My days have been filled with catch ups and unpacking – although I still have a lot to go – so as soon as I get a spare moment I feel exhausted and just want to relax. I’ve been throwing myself in to organising #ScotBlogMeet, which is coming together nicely, but it is just added pressure that I probably could have done without.
I hate feeling like I’m going to let people down, it preys on my mind constantly, but I need to make more time for me. I don’t even know why I wrote this, but I think a lot of people are feeling the same right now and I just need you to know that you’re not alone. I FEEL YOU.
I’m going to take a back seat this week. I’m going away for a few days, having a spa day and going to the zoo. It’ll be good to chill out and gather my thoughts properly. I have a couple of posts already scheduled but I’m not going to force myself to produce half-assed content purely for the sake of putting something out there – that’s not who I want to be or what I want this blog to be.