4 Dec 2017

On Fitting In

Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog

Jumper - New Look; Trousers - New Look; Trainers - Adidas via ASOS;
Initial Necklace - Kate Spade (old); Four Leaf Clover Necklace - Thomas Sabo

I've always felt like a little bit of an outcast in life. It's weird, I just feel like I have a bit of an "eclectic" personality and it's rare that I feel entirely comfortable in any one group or situation. It happens a lot in blogging, and its rare for a day to go by where I don't feel like some sort of outlier. Sometimes I get frustrated with not being invited to events (that I probably wouldn't have gone to anyway) or not working on a certain campaign, struggling to grow my Instagram or just not getting those effortless candid shots that look like they belong on the pages of a magazine. It probably ties into the whole self-doubt thing that I've been chatting about lately, and I know I'm getting better at caring less, but it can be difficult in a world where you're constantly exposed to other peoples' highlight reels on social media. 

Blogging can feel very cliquey at times, much like most aspects of life, and that can be difficult. I'm an awkward person, offline and online, so it's no wonder that I don't feel like I really slot nicely into the community like I'd like to. The whole thing is a bit of a popularity contest, unfortunately, and I've never come out trumps on that front. But you know what? I'm quite happy not fitting in. I'd rather be me than spend my life forcing myself to play pretend. Can you imagine how exhausting that must be?

Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog

Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog

I don't really fit your standard "blogger aesthetic". I don't have an immaculate wardrobe, my life isn't an Instagrammable paradise, and my makeup is never picture perfect. I hate avocados, and my morning porridge is hardly worthy of a flatlay. I don't like how my hair looks when it's been blow-dried, I rarely have a manicure because I pick it off when I do and I'd rather kick about in a pair of trainers than heels any day of the week.

I've been to events in the past where I've been looked up and down, been told it's "for bloggers only" and subsequently been pushed to the side and ignored. When I tell people I blog I can see them cast a questioning glance or I've had people seem surprised when this baby-faced gal with the frizzy hair turns up for a meeting.

It makes you second guess yourself, but I know in my heart that I'd much rather be comfortable in my own skin than anything else. I prefer cosy jumpers and trousers that feel like pyjamas over crop tops and super-skinny jeans. I'd rather sleep longer than make sure my makeup is selfie-ready at all times. I'll tweet incessantly about the TV series I'm binging in my pyjamas or my bubble baths, rather than the glamorous locations I'm jetting off to. I'm sarcastic, impatient and I think I'm a lot funnier than I actually am. But that's what makes me, me.

Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog

I refuse to alter myself just to get ahead. You see it a lot in the blogging community, people spending their days sucking up to others purely to use them for their own gain. That's just not me! I'm not going to waste my time pretending to like someone I don't, just because it might get me a few more Twitter followers. If I'm being honest, I can't be arsed with that. I will shout loudly about the people I love, but that's because I genuinely like them, not because I think it'll make me look cool.

I'm not a cool person. I like airports, documentaries about the weather and decaffeinated tea. I geek out over silly things, love Hugh Laurie a little bit too much and will quite happily admit that I can be a bit thick sometimes. I could write a thousand words on why I love The Sims, or why going to bed before 9pm is the best thing in life.

I'm not scared to talk about "unflattering" subjects. I'll tell you that I'm struggling, I'll talk about losing my hair at 22 because of stress, I'll talk about life with endometriosis and how alopecia makes me feel. I will ramble on forever about what's going on in my life, big or small, and I'll share those behind-the-scenes snaps of what life is really like away from my Instagram because it's real. When I shared weekly vlogs on YouTube I shared the unglamorous stuff, I shared the lazing around in my pyjamas all day, or crying about thunderstorms and worrying about life.

Honestly? I'm not sure where this post is going anymore. I guess it's all about finding comfort in your own skin, appreciating your quirks and taking no shit. If people don't like me, I don't care, even though the little voice in my head might try to tell me different. I don't like a lot of people, either, that's just the way things go.

Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog
Fitting in as a Blogger  | Colours and Carousels - Scottish Lifestyle, Beauty and Fashion blog

I've been focusing on the mantra "you do you" recently, and I think I'm at my happiest I've been for a long time. I'm taking things at my own pace, putting my own spin on things and appreciating the little moments that make me smile. I'm over trying to force myself into this cliched image of a blogger, with glossy marble dressing tables and an impeccable fashion sense. I'm going to spend my days lazing in my onesie, sharing excellent GIFs on Twitter and hanging out with my two best pals - my cats. Life is far too short to do things you don't want to do.

And if that means I don't make friends? So be it! I have a good group of gals and guys around me. I've never been the kind of girl who has a big group of friends, and that's alright by me. I am unapologetically Charlotte, a chronic oversharer with sarcastic tendencies and a love for food. I like being comfortable and don't care if these trousers make my arse look bigger than usual. At the end of the day, it's just who I am.

That's all I want this blog to be - me.


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Photos by Lindsey
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