I'll say it from the off, this is probably going to be one big incoherent ramble. I have a lot of FEELS at the moment that I've been dying to get off my chest in regards to moving home and dropping out of university, so here is a blog post that may or may not make sense.
I can hardly believe that this is my last week in Aberdeen. It feels a bit surreal knowing that I don't need to come back here again. I decided to drop out of university about four months ago now but it still hasn't quite sunk in. I keep making plans for when I move home, forgetting that it is just a couple of days away now.
I've been thinking a lot about the first few weeks I spent in this city, how I thought I wouldn't make it through one year let alone two and majorly struggled with homesickness. Whilst it may seem like a cop out to drop out of university after two years I'm so proud of myself for making it through the first week. I will finish a degree at some point, maybe in the same discipline, maybe not, but it will not be in Aberdeen and that is honestly the best thing for me.
Sometimes I can't help but feel like a failure, like I gave up and bowed down to my insecurities, but in reality I was strong. I accepted my feelings and made the decision to change my life. I might miss out on opportunities but I will also gain them. It may seem a tad narcissistic to be so proud of myself but I made it through two of the lowest years of my life even though I didn't think I'd make it through the first week. I gave it a shot, I tried my very best, and now I'm moving on. Onwards and upwards, right?
A big factor in my over emotional state has been the uncertainty. As of yet, I'm still to hear back from the universities that I have applied to finish my degree at. With each passing day I feel like it's becoming more and more unlikely that I'll be starting at a new campus this September, but maybe that's a good thing! In all honesty, I don't mind the outcome either way. If I start this year then great! I can get straight back in to it and finish my degree. If not, then that's great too! A gap year would probably do me the world of good, I can take some time to get work experience, maybe do some of that travelling I've been talking about and then just apply again for next year. It's a win win situation in my eyes.
I'm sad to be leaving some great friends behind, if it wasn't for them I probably wouldn't have made it through that first year, but they're just a bus ride away and I'm sure the constant Whatsapp messages will keep me entertained for now. I met some seriously incredible people at Robert Gordon and I was involved in some great things too, so now I'm excited to see what other exciting opportunities and people I find somewhere new.
As of Sunday I will be back at home in the city I love to pieces, enjoying the best purchase I've made this year (which I shall be sharing with my cat) and not having to endure a 3 hour bus journey twice a week. It's a great feeling! I'm looking forward to being back with my friends, my boyfriend and my family. They've been so supportive over the past two years which means the absolute world to me, so I'll try my best not to annoy them too much after they thought they'd got rid of me!
What? Me, crying? Eh... no.... that's just a bit of dust in my eye.
We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are.