5 Mar 2015

LIFE: Choosing Happiness


Sounds a bit like the title of some sort of self-help book jam packed with clich├ęs and "inspiring" quotes, doesn't it? Well don't worry, it's definitely not me preaching at you about how to live your life. Instead, it's more of a reflection on a big decision I made recently.

Back at the start of the year I decided that one of my aims for the year was to be a more positive person, with a cheerier outlook and placing less focus on the negatives in life. This was going well - to an extent - when I realised that it was quite difficult to be positive when I was feeling pretty miserable. I'd been stressing myself out to the point that it's impacting the people around me and I don't want that any more. I was crying all of the time and wasting my days sleeping or moping around doing nothing. It took the tiniest thing to set me off, for example if my phone was playing up and wouldn't send a text message I'd find myself crying on my bedroom floor. I wasn't myself and I was far from happy, I think that was clear to the people around me too.

All of my negative feelings seemed to be stemming from one particular part of my life, and so I decided there was no point moping about it when I could change it. The path I thought I wanted to follow in life wasn't for me and that was getting me down, so I accepted that I had made the wrong choice and found a new path to follow.

After I finish this semester in May I will not be returning to Aberdeen for university, I'm moving home to Glasgow for good and I can't bloody wait. When I first moved here I was painfully miserable but I didn't want to give up quite so soon, I felt like I had to prove myself despite putting myself through emotional turmoil on a daily basis. Fast forward to the middle of my second year and my feelings haven't changed - I know I'm not meant to be here any more. I have made some amazing friends here and I'll miss them so so so much, they're great people, but I know in my gut that being in Glasgow will be so much better for me both academically and as a person.

I never imagined that I'd be going through the stress of UCAS applications a second time, but once again I am constantly refreshing my e-mails in a state of half dread half excitement, hoping for a response. I've applied to a few different courses that piqued my interest; some similar to my current course and some different. I still adore fashion and the business world behind it, I know I always will, but I want to explore some other options too. I don't know where - or if - I'll be studying in September and I'm not looking forward to being the new girl once again but I just know this is the right thing for me. Since deciding to leave a cloud has been lifted and I feel so much happier. I hadn't quite realised the full impact of my misery before this and now I feel like a whole new person, full of excitement and rediscovered motivation.

I guess this was a bit of a ramble, but I felt like I should maybe share an update on where life is taking me right now. There's nothing shameful about admitting you were wrong, it's a brave choice to make. If you have the chance to change things that are making you unhappy then you should grab it and never look back.

x
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